30 Nov HERSTORY: MELODY’S STORY
Melody Madaris, Ph.D.
The stigma of mental health conditions can be debilitating; it’s the reason so many people don’t seek the help they need and instead, suffer in silence. Within my social circles, it seems as though talking about traumatic experiences that one has had to overcome has been more destigmatized, which is wonderful. I just wasn’t confident if sharing details about my mental health condition would be destigmatized in the workplace or amongst friends and colleagues since this wasn’t a trauma that happened to me, rather, is a part of me. While it’s difficult, I believe in living authentically. I suffer from PTSD and Bipolar Disorder.
When I was diagnosed with Bipolar II Disorder, I was in complete denial. I associated Bipolar with my mom, and she wasn’t a good mom. As I learned more about my diagnosis, I realized certain medications could help me, and that in order to manage my mental health, I needed to take them. My mother did not take her medication, making it hard to care for herself, much less a child. I slowly came to terms with myself, which took a minute, and it was scary. I still had to say it out loud a couple of times before I was comfortable with it. I started sharing that I have Bipolar Disorder with people I knew, it was terrifying. I thought, “They’re going to think I can’t do what I do.” I was afraid I couldn’t grow in my career because I would have a label on me that I was unstable.
I care deeply about changing the stigma of mental health issues because of my personal experiences and how mental health, along with the stigma behind it has affected my family: It started with my mom. While there are two types of bipolar disorder, one more severe than the other, both must be treated with medication. My mother was Bipolar I, the more severe type of Bipolar that can lead to periods of psychosis, which she had; in addition to struggling with addiction. and felt so much shame because of it. It became my responsibility early on to take care of my mother and my grandmother, who had suffered from a debilitating stroke. At only 11 years old, I learned how to administer nitroglycerin in case my grandmother had a heart attack.
My father was absent from all this, putting his needs above his family’s, and it led to a resentful relationship between us. We hadn’t spoken in years after a falling out when my aunt called to tell me that if I wanted to see him alive again, I needed to go to the hospital. My father was HIV positive, and he had progressed to AIDS. There was such a stigma, so much judgement and fear associated with AIDS. My aunt played into that fear and kept telling everyone around us to get tested without any understanding of HIV or AIDS. My father could barely even breathe, he couldn’t speak or communicate. Despite having forgiven him, I never had the opportunity to tell him that I realize he did the best he could.
I’m a mom, and the two best days of my life were when I had my kids, who are now 16 and 18 years old. I love them so much. My kids saved my life, and they don’t even realize it. My ex-husband was physically and emotionally abusive, and I might never have had the courage to leave him if it wasn’t for my amazing son and daughter. I know my children are proud of me for moving us to a safer place, where we have all thrived, me in my career and them in school. I now help others overcoming mental health issues!
When I first arrived at my current workplace, Communicare, despite it being an organization that works with mental health, I still felt an overwhelming stigma over speaking about our personal mental health as professionals. There was a sense of shame surrounding bringing up this issue in any personal context. Former leadership continued the stigma of mental health disorders and employees lived in silence, but I am happy to say, that is no longer the case!
In order to share at work, I had to overcome my own personal prejudices against being open about mental health. With a lot of encouragement, I gradually reached a point where I could be a leader in my organization to open up about personal mental health and set a new precedent. I shared with everyone there that I am self-aware, that I take the right medicine, that some days are good and some days I struggle.
From that point I started to see more people share their personal struggles, destigmatizing mental health issues. I felt a real change when I had an employee come into my office and hand me her safety book for review. She told me that something about it wasn’t quite right and as I flipped through the pages, she admitted to me that she used to feel scared just walking into or near this office. She said that because of me, she no longer felt scared because she would never be degraded or judged here. She knew she would be accepted no matter what!
It’s so important to be authentic and let people know when things are going on with you. I help people by just being me, authentic, and willing to listen, being willing to go above and beyond, making sure the organization is doing what we can to help other people. We’ve implemented mental health days at my workplace, Communicare. Before it didn’t seem to matter in our society if you were burned out, and I thought that was so crappy. Mental health is health. It should be okay to say, “yesterday did me in, I just cannot do it today. I’ve got my clients covered. I need a day. I’m going to sleep late. I’m going to do my laundry, and binge watch on Netflix.” Small things like that have changed our culture here when other people see me doing this, they think, “If she is doing it then it must be okay.” It is completely okay, and you don’t have to struggle alone.
No Comments