Independence Day: Gaining Freedom from a Ghost

By Anonymous

Last week my family celebrated Independence Day, as I gained freedom from a narcissistic ghost that haunted me for over a decade.

Last week my family became complete, and I was set free from a deep and terrible fear that my dear, sweet daughter would be taken from me. I feared a man I truly hardly knew but knew well enough to understand how manipulative and abusive he could be to both me and my daughter.

Although I had not seen him or heard from him in more than six years–more than half of my daughter’s life–I carried a fear that he could return, just suddenly show up and take my child.

He was not on her birth certificate (I wasn’t even sure of his whereabouts when I gave birth). He had never established paternity. And he had never provided anything other than fear and demoralization. He floated in and out of our lives for the first few years, showing up when convenient and being cruel to me and inconsiderate to her.

I look back and wonder how I let it happen that way, or more accurately, why I let it happen that way.

I try not to blame myself. This ghost was a narcissistic psychopath who knew how to exploit my emotional and mental health and find my vulnerabilities–hardly the Casper he sometimes pretended to be.

“You’re not allowed to keep me from her, you bitch,” he would say to me as I sat in his living room doing everything that I knew how to keep everyone happy.

Ultimately, he kept himself away. Ultimately, he made a choice to abandon.

Ultimately, I was elated he made those choices. Elated, yet still fearful he could return to inflict more damage.

He was a ghost now who followed me everywhere and was happy to fill me with fear. Even as one, two, then three years passed, I still froze with terror when I saw someone who looked even a bit like him—the ghost personified!

I avoided driving anywhere near his last known neighborhood or going to restaurants where I thought he might be. Even seeing his first name written down made me feel a sense of terror. I could not hide from this ghost—I was scared of and haunted by the memory of a man who had abused me in insidious ways and made me feel worthless and alone.

Then, a few years ago, I fell in love with a wonderful man who loves me exactly as I am, who always lifts my spirits, who never wants to see me vulnerable or hurt, who does his best for me every day, all day long. We got married and live together as a family.

He adores my beautiful daughter and treats her with respect and love. My daughter loves him. I would never ask a man to adopt my child—the spot on her birth certificate meant for a father’s name reads, “This space intentionally left blank.” I figured that’s how it would be forever. But my husband is special. He is her father, and he knew it himself. He asked if he could adopt her and fill that space. I said yes—and more importantly, my daughter said yes.

The adoption was completed last week. It was full of joy and tears and happiness. I felt the heavy burden of fear that had been weighing on my shoulders suddenly lift. The ghost did not materialize in order to contest the adoption, and now he has no right to.

His reign of terror, this ghost of an abuser that haunted me, has melted away.

Today I took a shortcut that required driving through a neighborhood I knew he once lived in. I almost went the long way to avoid it and the terrible memories it held, but then realized there was no more fear of him reviving his cycle of abuse.

I’m free of you now, ghost. I am unburdened by the fear you caused me. My family is complete now—Mother, Child and now Father–there is no room for ghosts.

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