18 May Morphing into Motherhood

By Tiffany Rucker, MBA

Motherhood is one of the most amazing experiences of a woman’s life. It is also one of the hardest. The transition from singlehood to motherhood is one of the least talked about. When a woman becomes pregnant, all the focus goes towards the new baby, but deep down, there is a shift happening inside the mother.

I gave birth to my first child at the age of 20. I was practically a baby myself, unsure of all that the world had to offer. I found myself alone with an infant, frightened that I may fail him in some way.

There is no school for motherhood, no certificate of completion or anything to prepare you for your journey.

For me, the transition from me to mom happened so fast.

Before my son’s arrival, I didn’t put much thought into what it would be like to parent a child. To be honest, I never saw myself as “mother material.” I was not a woman who desired to have children, so when the doctor told me that I was pregnant, I was terrified and filled with grief and worry. All manner of thoughts ran through my head; I was worried about my future and how I would provide for a child alone. But I also worried that my chances at love and marriage were ruined. I knew without a doubt that marrying my son’s biological father was out of the question, so I feared that this one act would leave me alone forever.

I still remember the moment that the doctors laid my son on my chest; his little eyes met mine, and I just knew that I wanted to do better for him. This was when I began to morph from me into mom.

I started looking for good examples of moms and studied their traits and characteristics. I started with my mom, aunts and schoolteachers. I reflected on the things I liked and disliked about each of their characteristics and parenting traits and started to piece together my idea of parenting.

No one talks about the enormity of the mental changes that happen after giving birth. You become obsessed with your little human, and once you’re all settled in, you question who you are as a woman. For me, I no longer knew what I liked or disliked outside of being a mom.

At 21, I had a 1-year-old, and that is all that I knew and understood. It was challenging to navigate being a young adult and being a mom. I had a hard time relating to people my own age because the things that they were into did not fit into my role as a mom.

As time moved on, I lost many relationships with so-called friends because they no longer understood me. As I look back now, I realize that those people removing themselves from my life was exactly what I needed. But, at the time, I was crushed.

If you’re a new mom reading this, I want you to know that your transformation and journey are uniquely your own. Your experiences, your approach to parenting your child is the best decision! Go ahead, Mom; you’ve got this!

For more HERStory information, check out our Facebook Page and LinkedIn Page and subscribe to our newsletter below.

We want to hear your story. Your story is my story. Help us empower other women by sharing your story.

Tiffany Rucker is a small business and financial literacy coach as well as wife, mom and special needs advocate. She lives in Tampa, Fla.