06 Aug Setting Boundaries – The First Step on the Journey to Thriving
Let’s talk about something that we all need but many of us struggle with—setting boundaries. It’s a crucial part of self-care and personal growth, yet it’s one of those things that can be incredibly hard to master, especially for women. In this blog we’ll dive into the importance of setting boundaries and how they can transform our lives from just surviving to truly thriving.
What Are Boundaries?
Boundaries are like invisible lines that define what’s acceptable and what’s not in our interactions and relationships with everyone from our partners, to friends, family members and even work colleagues. Every relationship in our lives should have a different set of boundaries – even our relationships with our children! They can be physical, like needing personal space, or emotional, such as requiring respect for your feelings. Boundaries are deeply personal and vary from person to person, influenced by our cultural background, social context, and individual personalities.
The Struggle with Setting Boundaries
Setting boundaries can be tough for many people, especially for women. We’ve been conditioned to put others first, often labeled as selfish when we voice our own needs and wants. It’s a challenge to break free from this mindset that our desires are less important than others. But the truth is, avoiding the issue isn’t setting a boundary—it’s merely sidestepping conflict. True boundaries are intentional and thoughtful; they require us to communicate our needs directly and deal with the discomfort that might arise.
Boundaries vs. Avoidance
Let’s clarify a crucial point: avoidance is not a boundary. Avoidance is reactive and passive, often leading to people-pleasing behaviors that don’t serve us in the long run. Boundaries, on the other hand, are proactive. They involve expressing what doesn’t work for us based on our experiences and dealing with issues head-on.
How to Set Boundaries
Here’s the good news: you can absolutely set boundaries, and it starts with clear communication. Here are some tips to help you get started:
1) Communicate Directly: Say what you need in a straightforward manner. For example, “I need some quiet time after work to recharge.”
2) No is a Complete Sentence: You don’t have to explain your “no.” It’s enough to say, “No, I can’t take on that extra task right now.”
3) Honor Your Feelings: Your feelings are valid and important. If something makes you uncomfortable, it’s okay to say so.
4) Process Your Emotions: Accept and process any feelings that come up when you set boundaries. Remember, you’re worth standing up for.
Boundary Best Practices
Setting boundaries varies across different areas of our lives—relationships, family, work, and so on. Here are some best practices for each, noting that many of these tips can be used across different relationships:
In Relationships with Partners or Friends
1) Communicate Respectfully: If you need time to think, say so. “I need to think about this. Can we talk tomorrow?”
2) Respect Differences: It’s okay to disagree. “Thank you for explaining your view. I disagree but appreciate your perspective.”
3) Clarify Needs: Know what you need from your partner or friends and communicate it clearly. “To feel loved, I need you to listen without offering solutions.”
With Family and Children
1) Stay Calm: Walk away and take deep breaths if a conversation gets too stressful.
2) No Explanation Needed: “No” is enough. You don’t owe anyone a justification.
3) Take Your Time: You’re allowed to take time to think. “I can’t discuss this right now.”
At Work
1) Do Your Job: Focus on your responsibilities, not those of your coworkers or supervisors.
2) Use Your Time Off: Take breaks, lunches, and scheduled time away.
3) Set Firm Guidelines: Have clear start and stop times for work. “I can’t complete this today as my workday ends at 5 pm, but I can have it to you first thing tomorrow.”
The Benefits of Boundaries
When you set boundaries, amazing things happen. You gain confidence and self-worth, reduce stress, and live more authentically. You’ll also notice improved relationships, better communication, and decreased anxiety and resentment.
Remember, setting boundaries is a powerful act of self-love. It allows you to take control of your life and ensure your needs are met. So, go ahead and start setting those boundaries. You deserve to live a life that’s not just about surviving, but truly thriving!
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