19 Jul Piece by Peace: A Rude Awakening from Anxiety
I was sitting at my desk working, not really on anything particularly stressful when all of the sudden my chest began to hurt and feel very tight, I began to sweat, feel dizzy and very nauseous. I was scared. The feeling lasted about 15 minutes. I didn’t want to say anything to anyone and cause any concern.
You see, the past few months have been extremely stressful for me and my family. It has been one huge problem after another. On top of that, I had some stress coming from work as well. It seemed like I was straddling being in crisis mode from every angle possible and just doing everything I could to survive.
Each morning when I woke up, I would immediately feel a wave of panic, for seemingly no reason. I would instantly be reminded of the chronic stress that I was under from that feeling as I began to open my eyes for the day. The surge of adrenaline, and cortisol, all happen at once just from waking up.
There was literally no time for breaks in my day. When not dealing with a crisis, then I’m a mom, and then after running around all day, as soon as my head hits the pillow I fall asleep from exhaustion.
Wake up. Repeat. Flood of adrenaline and cortisol.
So fast forward to many months of this, I was innocently working at my desk when I had this feeling in my chest and body. This repeated itself over the next few days several times and I decided I was extremely worried and needed to see a physician.
I had some tests done which all came back normal, and the physician thought I was struggling with anxiety. Me? I can’t have a mental health issue right now. It’s too inconvenient. I need to do things!
I began to realize that I’ve been in this constant state and not really allowing my body to slow down, recover, and now I was experiencing panic attacks.
I still have pain in my chest. It hasn’t gone away yet. It feels scary. I started medication and hopefully am on the path toward getting better. But the feeling I had about even telling anyone was that I was ashamed, embarrassed; why couldn’t I handle ordinary life?
The workplace especially doesn’t have an understanding of mental health. I couldn’t tell the people I work with, ‘sorry I’m suffering from something medical and need a break.’ I did take some time to get better initially but still felt like I couldn’t really tell anyone why.
I’d love to see that change. I can’t be alone in this feeling. I wish there was the freedom to discuss mental health and have an understanding environment. I was too afraid of being labeled or misunderstood. So, I struggle in silence.
I hope that my story tells other women that they’re not alone if they’re experiencing mental health issues. Also, it is okay to take care of yourself and get the help needed. I send love to all who read this.
To a better world.
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