06 Oct HERStory: Meet Roweena Davis
It’s October, and we’re leading the conversation about Domestic Violence Awareness Month. This is a time to acknowledge domestic violence survivors and be a voice for its victims. Meet Roweena Davis, who shares her story of surviving domestic violence and then showing incredible strength by creating a nonprofit, ‘We Believe You SOS’, to spread awareness and support for other domestic violence survivors.
Tell us about your background and growing up
I was raised in what you would consider a silver spoon household. My father was a physician, and my mother was a stay-at-home mom. We were raised with everything handed to us and it was an amazing childhood; however, I did not realize the words spoken by my father would have an effect on me until adulthood. We were also raised in a “perfectionist” household where we had to have perfect grades, perfect looks, everything; so, when my father made the statements that he noticed I was gaining weight and that pretty people are not fat, that started my journey (unbeknown to me) of self-confidence and self-esteem issues.
Can you talk with us about your experience with domestic violence and being a survivor?
My domestic violence actually probably began when I first met my ex-husband, but I did not see (or I ignored) the red flags. It was the showering of expensive gifts and compliments and as a woman who suffered from self-esteem and self-confidence issues, this was something new and I did not want to let it go. The first time I actually experienced the violence was in 2009. It was over an argument about money and finances and keep in mind, at this time, I was the primary breadwinner. I said something that upset him, and he punched me in my face, and I ended up with a swollen eye. Instead of doing what I know needed to be done and reporting it, I stayed silent, and he said he would take care of me. I also had military duty that weekend so instead of telling the truth, I had to make up a reason why I could not attend because I did not want the military to know I suffered and be seen as a weak black woman. This abuse went on from 2009 until 2015, and most of it was emotional; from being called a bad mother, being the reason my son died in 2007, no one ever wanting me if I left and so many other countless names that I cannot remember. For some reason, over the years, I started to believe what he was saying and stayed. Even after I left 10 times, I always ended up coming back because he said he would change, and of course, never did. Finally, in 2015, I realized enough was enough and I took my then 1 year old at the time and my oldest daughter and we left and moved on a military base in Maryland.
What led to you creating We Believe You SOS?
I created We Believe You SOS (Supporting Our Survivors) because domestic violence (among so many issues in the military and military spouse community: sexual assault, mental health) is kept hush-hush and so many suffer in silence. One of the main reasons military members, veterans, and military spouses report that they don’t seek help is because even when they did report, no one believed them, and we wanted them to know that when no one else believes them, We Believe Them. The military community has a stigma associated with seeking help and that if they do seek help, they will lose their job, their clearance, and the respect of their peers and supervisors; so instead of speaking up, they suffer in silence and often live with the trauma internally. We want to let them know that they are not alone, and someone out there believes you and stands by you.
How has your platform helped others in similar situations?
Using my voice and having this platform has allowed others to come forward and share their story. We also make sure that we have monthly panels that are focused on issues that affect the military community (mental health, domestic violence, and sexual assault). We have panelists on there that are not only experts in their field but are also survivors and advocates in their field and it shows that no military member is alone, nor do they have to suffer in silence.
Is there any advice you’d like to give to others?
The only piece of advice that I can give to others as a survivor is, a survivor is ready when they are ready. Despite all the red flags, abuse, and trauma they may share or experience, no one can force them to leave until they are ready to leave. I had to hit rock bottom and say enough is enough before I finally made that decision. For friends and loved ones of survivors, just be a friend and a listening ear. And for that military or veteran survivor, just know that you are not alone, and you have support. It may not always seem that way and it may seem as if the military treats you as an object rather than a human being, but you matter, and your trauma is more than just what you may experience on the battlefield.
What words of wisdom could you share?
The main words of wisdom I have are – never let anyone get you to a point where they take away your power. Even as a successful woman with a great military career, I still struggled to know my self-worth and that is because I believed what I was being told. I am now in the process of rebuilding and taking that power back and knowing that the only person who can validate or determine my self-worth is myself.
We thank you Roweena for sharing your story. You are a strong woman and we are inspired by you.
We want to hear your story. Help us empower other women by sharing your story. https://herstorypoetry.wordpress.com/submit-your-story/
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