10 Feb Are You Human at Work?

By Ellen Nastir

Mistakes are a part of being human, right? From childhood, when we’re learning our letters or colors, to the time spent learning geometry or a foreign language in high school, we each have our “oops” moments.  Then we’re corrected either by ourselves or others, and we recalibrate and move on to our next learning adventure. Maybe we experience feelings of disappointment, sadness, frustration or a myriad of emotions, but we pick ourselves up and start again.

Why is it, though, that it seems the older we get, the harder we are on ourselves. Is it a learned behavior? Could it be intrinsic to our DNA, personality traits or the environments that we’re exposed to? Reactions from family, teachers and many others certainly do influence how we perceive ourselves and the world around us.

Many of us have a memory of a negative work experience—a mistake or embarrassment—that can absolutely stop us in our tracks, a memory that kicks off a vicious spiral of shame or anger that we can become trapped in. Listen in on your inner voice every now again: Is it saying hurtful things to you about your work performance? Things you would never say to a coworker in the same situation?

So, the question becomes how do we interrupt that limiting cycle of negativity and begin to move forward again?

Kindness: Learning to permit ourselves to be human at work, possessing strengths and qualities we like and appreciate along with aspects that we find less appealing.

We begin by recognizing what is working well in our work lives and what we’d like to be different and improved. Self-awareness is a key first step toward applying kindness to ourselves and building our professional self-confidence.

Practicing kindness toward ourselves, allowing ourselves to be human at work, means being able to recognize our good points as well as the not-so-good. We can then decide what fits in our value system and where we choose to improve.

Rather than dismiss compliments we receive, perhaps we lean into them and answer with a simple “thank you” or “I appreciate you saying that.” Maybe instead of dismissing our accomplishments at the end of the day, we offer ourselves affirmations: “I did a great thing today. I’m proud of myself.”

And, yes, it is absolutely possible: Research in the science of Positive Psychology shows us that 40 percent of our happiness lies in our internal mindset—our thoughts and the nourishment we feed our brains. So the great news is that 40 percent is within our control!

When we begin to accept and acknowledge all the parts of who we are—the good and the bad—we can begin making shifts towards being our best selves and working toward our work and life goals.

And one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves is realizing we are not perfection rolled into human form!

Being human, practicing kindness toward ourselves, is accepting all aspects of ourselves. When we decide to continue learning about ourselves along the road of life, we create possibilities to change, shift, embolden, soften, expand or diminish. As feeling, thinking humans we can seek more information that will help—not hinder—our growth, allowing us to flourish and expand in all areas of life.

Yet, what happens when we are in the workforce and make a mistake? Somewhere along the way, we begin to expect perfection from ourselves—with no learning curve allowed. We hold ourselves to extremely high standards that will almost surely lead to experiencing a setback, letdown or even failure at some point along the way.

One of the fundamental values in a human-based work culture is trust—in yourself, your colleagues and management. Along with trust, respect and the ability to be both vulnerable and kind when things don’t go as planned are essential. Meaning that when a situation that doesn’t meet your expectation or the company’s occurs, you step up and take ownership. You apologize, if appropriate, and show up full-throttle to do what needs to be done to rectify the situation.

But, here’s the key: You must not fall into the negative trap of beating yourself up, failing to give yourself permission to be human and denying yourself kindness by berating yourself.

Granting yourself permission to be human does not mean you have a pass to do mediocre work or not do your best. It means you understand the power of moving on without demeaning and continually reprimanding yourself.

Once you can grant yourself this kindness, this acceptance, you’ll find all work conflicts and setbacks easier to navigate. And then just watch what you can achieve!

Ellen Nastir, M.Ed., PCC, BCC, CPCC, is principal of Innovative Team Solutions and certified with the International Coach Federation and Positive Psychology. She has advanced training in Organization and Relationship Systems Coaching, Tension and Change Management and Appreciation at Work. She received her coach training and certification from The Coaches Training Institute. Ellen holds a bachelor’s degree from the University of Florida, and a master’s from the University of North Florida—both in education. She is a trained PeopleMap Systems educator who focuses on the “people side” of professional performance within the corporate structure. Her expertise is in the development of employees’ people skills to complement their technical skills and abilities, thus increasing productivity and retention, communication skills, problem-solving, and conflict resolution