31 Aug HERStory: Brandi Ross
In HER own words
By: Brandi Ross
It started when my parents got divorced when I was five. My father told me around age 11 that my mother had HIV, from that day forward I was always scared not knowing “how long” my mother had to live. Not being educated on the subject and thought it was a death sentence. It was not for her, but it did end up taking my stepfather’s life!
Then my stepfather passed away when I was in 8th grade and my grandmother passed away in 9th grade. That’s when I started to realize that my mother had a really serious problem, I didn’t know what addiction was per say but I knew she was “out of it” a lot!
That’s when my mom hit rock bottom and I had to grow up really fast. While going to see her on the weekends I would cook for her, clean for her, and sometimes have to get her off the floor. Around age 13, I started attending NA meetings with her, from there I learned more about the struggles associated with addiction. Through it all, my mother showed me immense love and compassion and she is the reason I love so deeply. Addiction is hard and My mother is a beautiful soul.
Looking back, I see that at a young age, I was in a lot of ‘people-pleasing’ situations. I would say I was a bit above average in school and sports, which made me work a lot harder. My brothers were so book-smart and great at sports without having to try. I did modeling/cheerleading to please my mom. I played ALL sports to please my dad, I did love playing sports but not every sport! I did theater for me. I see now that I was so busy and involved in so many activities as a trauma response.
I also started dating very young and have had issues with abusive relationships from the very beginning. Had to get a restraining order on my very first boyfriend do to him threatening the safety of my family so we could be together. I faced numerous events of mental and verbal abuse in these relationships.
I graduated high school and I became a certified trainer just two months later while working full time and getting ready to start college. That’s where God took me to help people. I wanted to be a nurse like my mom, but that was not the route that God had for me. I love people, and helping others be a better version of themselves and live life to the fullest. More than 15 years later, I’m still in the health and wellness industry with around 20 certifications under my belt! I love learning and growing so I can give the best to my clients!
After a few years, I was in a relationship that moved me to Pennsylvania. I packed up all my belongings in Florida to go with him for his career. There I became the training director at numerous Gold Gyms. I learned so much, loved my job, and met some amazing people. However, the relationship did not end well, and I felt it was best for me to have him stay in Pennsylvania and then I moved back to Florida. He ended up leaving Pennsylvania and coming back to his family in Florida as well.
After being back in Florida for a few months, I got a call for another job in Pennsylvania to help manage another gym. I loved this gym owner, trusted my gut and went back to Pennsylvania, even though I knew it didn’t make the most sense. I now know God planned everything perfectly. Shortly after moving back to Pennsylvania I lost my Aunt Marie to breast cancer, I didn’t make it back home in time to say goodbye and that will always haunt me. I did get to over the phone!
While in Pennsylvania, I started dating a new guy I met from the gym. All seemed fine in the beginning. Then unfortunately, the physical abuse with him started when I was 23 years old. Physical abuse was new to me. I had never experienced that before. I was really confused and alone, he left 30 bruises on me that birthday weekend. I had a few friends I opened up to, broke it off with him but he somehow manipulated his way back in!
Now here is the deal, it wasn’t horrible the whole time, we had some AMAZING times together with friends and family! That’s the confusing thing about being abused, they can be so kind and perfect one second then a completely different person the next! Also make you feel like you did something wrong to deserve it. No one deserves that.
My mom passed away when I was 24 from an overdose. Shortly after my mom passed away, I had an argument with my boyfriend and he put his hands on me for the last time. He almost took my life, leaving me with broken ribs, spatula marks on my back, bloody nose, and a ton of bruises. I literally had to run out of the house otherwise I probably wouldn’t be here. I remember feeling overwhelmed, afraid, alone, ashamed and embarrassed at the time.
We lived in a small town and honestly, I just didn’t want everyone to know. Luckily, my brother made me call the cops during the final time. They saw the bruises, and he was arrested. The next morning, I was supposed to teach a bootcamp class, and I showed up in sweater and sweats. However, my manager knew what happened and told me to go home. At this point I knew the relationship was done, for good.
I started slowly but surely opening up and telling people my story. I knew I had to go back to Florida to truly end things, but I loved my job so much and I was so afraid of losing my relationships with friends and leaving the awesome community. However, right before my 25th birthday after I put everything in place for months, it was time to head back home and start over. The most FREEING feeling was when I drove past that ‘Welcome to Florida’ sign!
At that time, I lived with my parents for two months. I was super independent and hadn’t lived with my father since even before I was 18. That was the lowest I ever felt in my life. I didn’t have a job, limited money, and starting all over again at 25. What a loser!
Also, when I moved back, my mom wasn’t here, my aunt, or my grandpa. Everything had changed! It was so hard and lonely and nobody saw that. I worked numerous jobs and got an apartment with a good friend from high school!
I then found an amazing position that was like ‘The Biggest Loser’, but on the beach. The clients had great results. But when they returned home, they felt they still needed help. So, I then started traveling to them and helping them stay on track while they were at home. One of my clients asked me to stay with them for three months in Tennessee to help their health and fitness goals. It was a great three months. I loved helping that family and I felt like I was finding myself along the way!
Then, my grandmother passed away on my dad’s side. I decided to go back home and stay there. 2015 was a great year. I started a job that I loved, in a community that was great and fell in love with my soulmate, Mitch!
I had known Mitch since the 7th grade and he was in 8th. He was actually my first kiss. We tried dating a bit the prior year but neither of us were in a good place. It wasn’t until I returned home the last time, I saw him and just knew, ‘you’re it – you’re the one.’ I truly feel that God made us for each other, but it had to be the right time! Mitch and I got married in 2019.
Then we received a great blessing and became pregnant. We had our first son, Troy, in 2020. He is just like me – full of energy. Then three weeks after Troys Birth, BOOM COVID! I lost my maternity leave and it was back to work, figuring out how to be a new mom and turn our fitness classes virtual! Looking back super blessed to not lose my job, just super sad to lose that special time with Troy.
We wanted to continue to grow our family but unfortunately, we had a miscarriage in 2021. Mitch was in the hospital with COVID, due to some breathing issues and sugar issues (he is a type 1 diabetic). A few days after he got out of the hospital, we found out one of his best friends had passed away. In those short few weeks, we lost our pregnancy, Mitch lost his best friend and his other best friend’s dad. This was a really hard time for us.
Then in 2022, we were pregnant feeling good, made it past the 1st trimester and then lost our daughter, Faith, at 16 weeks.
I was sleeping and sick, I woke up and there was a little bit of blood. I went to the bathroom and there was a pop and warm liquid. I drove myself to the emergency room. I couldn’t even find parking. I sat down in the elevator and couldn’t breathe. I was about to pass out and a kind gentleman got me in a wheelchair and wheeled me into the ER. By the time the doctors got to me I almost had no pulse. I thought I was going to die. I just kept asking if they could save Faith. The doctors told me they could not.
That was one of the hardest things to go through. With Faith, I birthed my child and didn’t get to take her home with me. The people at the hospital helped me work through tough questions, like if I wanted to keep my baby, hold my baby. The nurses really advocated for me during that moment.
No one talks about what happens during this type of pregnancy loss. A few days later I began producing breast milk. No one told me that I’d have breast milk but no child. Or the pain of receiving emails about being pregnant when I indeed was no longer.
For one of the first times in my life, I opened up publicly about my trauma. I shared our loss on social media and received more than 85 messages from people who had experienced a similar loss. Which made me feel less alone but broke my heart for my friends and family that have gone through loss! I released this is a subject that needs to be talked about and educated on more.
Mitch and I prayed. We decided we would try one more time to grow our family. I started seeing a therapist as I was scared to get pregnant again.
At the end of last year, and after we lost Faith, I was working a lot with my other job. It put things into a lot of perspective. I was working 60-80 hours, teaching in the evenings, traveling 1-2x a month, and although I was helping people and living out my mission, I wasn’t able to be there for my husband and son the way I wanted to be.
A few years prior God brought a social retail Biz into my life! I could help more people get results and feel better, so I actively worked both jobs! Little did I know that I would make a decision to step away from my full-time job of eight years with Camp Gladiator to pursue social retail full-time. I am so thankful that I did because I can still live out my mission of helping others but now, I am a more present wife and mom! I also get to help other women earn income from their phones and have more time and financial freedom.
Then, God had plans for us. We found out we were pregnant again in March. That gave me ease knowing it is God’s plan since we weren’t even trying.
We’ve had some complications through this pregnancy. I am taking medications and an injection every night. At the start of this pregnancy, we found out we had a very big blood clot, which came out vaginally. This triggered a lot of emotions.
With God’s blessings, we are now in the 3rd trimester with Kade Daniel Ross and doing very well.
Today, I love being vulnerable and being honest. For so many years I was so ashamed. I wouldn’t talk about abuse, addiction, overdose, or loss. When I shared that’s when I got a ton of people telling me that they are going or went through similar things. I want to be there for and advocate for those who feel alone.
So many people feel alone, thinking abuse or loss is their fault. They have no one to talk to. And I truly feel that’s my purpose on this earth to help how I can. Help others with domestic violence, pregnancy loss and how to overcome tough obstacles.
I promise you can still make a beautiful life for yourself even if you’ve experienced abuse, mental illness or trauma. You’ve got this and you deserve it!
At this point in my life, I feel as though the overwhelming emotion I have is that I am thankful. I wanted to find my soul mate, which I have. I wanted to become a mom, which I am. And I wanted to help others, which I do.
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