14 Jun Fathers & Sons: Lessons Learned on the Road, Vol. 1

By Elliott Potter and Jake Potter

Elliott Potter and his son Jake Potter live roughly 100 miles apart in North Carolina. After going together on a recent trip to Florida for music and beach therapy, Elliott and Jake wrote a series of personal reflections on the paternal ties that bind.

ELLIOTT: Lessons to be found on the road with your son

Father-son trips have been a significant part of my relationship with Jake since he was a toddler—but the older we get, the more meaningful they become.

The role of lead dog is shifting in Jake’s direction as years pass, but he still isn’t required to carry me around—not yet anyway. It wouldn’t hurt him to walk a little slower.

Even when I called the shots on our adventures, Jake offered some resistance.

Perhaps our biggest standoff occurred when he was just 14 years old, in the old Yankee Stadium, of all places. It was on the evening of July 16, 1999. Our disagreement was over something trivial. I wanted to move from the upper deck to open field-level seats behind home plate for another perspective, but Jake was very content where we were. He took a spirited though ultimately unsuccessful stand against changing locations.

Travel can bring raw emotions to the surface. New environments have a way of stirring up the pot. Such intensity can be put to use. It presents an opportunity for, shall we say, parental development. It offers a chance to discover the strengths and weaknesses of a parent-child relationship.

There are lessons to be learned on the road. On a hot summer night in Yankee Stadium, I learned that my son was finding his voice and was ready to use it. It was time for me to start listening a little more closely.

The faceoff between me and young Jake wasn’t the only rare occurrence that evening. Legendary pitcher Roger Clemens was on the mound for the Yankees, but he was shelled by the Atlanta Braves. The Bronx Bombers staged a comeback only to lose the game when Andruw Jones hit a homer in the ninth inning off yet-another future Hall of Fame pitcher, Marino Rivera. It was a strange night.

More eerie news was developing elsewhere. John Kennedy Jr.’s plane had disappeared on a flight from New York City to Martha’s Vineyard. He, his wife and her sister all died in the crash. Just a night earlier, we saw John Jr. in the Stadium, taking in a game.

There have been other unusual moments during our trips. On a New Year’s Eve in Atlanta, just minutes after the 2001 Peach Bowl win by our Tar Heels, a scary melee broke out around us at the annual Peach Drop celebration just as the band Three Dog Night was performing “Joy to the World” on a stage in the distance. I grabbed Jake and made a quick escape.

While the excitement level rarely reaches such heights, we do follow the action, especially if it involves sports or music or both. Lately, we’ve headed south to Florida for music festivals. That’s what we did again in late April for a five-day, socially distanced musical event called Moon Crush, staged in Miramar Beach.

This trip turned out to be our most laid-back outing—perhaps showing the lingering effects of COVID-19 precautions or maybe the inevitable advance of maturity. Jake is 35 now, and I just turned 65.

Then again, maybe we understand that the real reward of these trips has been our chance to enjoy the relative exclusivity of each other’s company. Though we stay in close touch, it feels good to sit back, observe and check in. More parents seem to be taking those same opportunities with sons and daughters of all ages these days.

We have another young man waiting in the wings to join us. Jake’s 4-year-old son, Landon, one day will bring his own unique spirit and sense of adventure to our travels.

Landon has been diagnosed as on the autism spectrum. Right on cue, American Airlines’ in-flight magazine this trip had a feature on the increasing number of parents who are traveling with children with autism. More destinations are finding ways to accommodate any special needs that may exist, including paying attention to sensory triggers.

I think Landon is going to be just fine on the road—as long as there are sports and music to enjoy. And I suspect he will provide us with a few lessons of his own.

The night scene at Moon Crush

JAKE: On the road, you can feel the bond grow stronger

The weight of time clocks in at its heaviest as you watch your parents grow older. I’m in my mid-thirties, but it’s easy to forget that for each candle I blow out, so do my mother, stepmother and father.

For my dad and I, traveling together has been my favorite way to hit pause and soak in the moment. As a kid, I realized pretty quickly that I enjoyed hopping on a plane and going somewhere new. Dad realized it, too, and our bond grew from merely father-son to travel buddies.

Our conquest of the road has shaped my personal development. It has also provided ongoing opportunities for parenting; as many dads will attest, you never quite fully retire from the business of doling out guidance when it’s needed.

My dad craves spontaneity more than I do. I’m not overly obsessive when it comes to planning a trip, but I do like to have a general sense of what the day’s activities have in store. But one of my favorite memories from our trip to New York City in September 2014 wasn’t joining my dad to watch his Yankees play the Red Sox—it was a couple days before, when he excitedly told me he scored tickets to see a taping of NBC’s The Late Show in just a few hours.

I had grand aspirations for our day in the city, but they could wait. It was David Letterman’s final season—there was no way I would miss it. Two generations of Potter boys relished the afternoon.

It is a privilege to watch your parents grow, and to watch them take in the world for themselves. My dad might say his favorite part of that trip was seeing baseball hero Derek Jeter one last time in the famous navy pinstripes. For a lifelong Yankees fan, it was a moment I knew mattered a great deal to my old man. It mattered to me that I got to be there with him for it.

These days, it’s rare that time will stand still. There’s always somewhere to be—or someone to parent. But wherever they happen, those shared moments between parents and kids seem to make smiles last just a beat longer.

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Jake Potter works in communications for a major airport in the Research Triangle region of North Carolina, while Elliott Potter is retired from the newspaper business and now works as a freelance writer and communications consultant, based in Jacksonville.