02 Nov HERStory: Lovern Gorgon
This month we’re celebrating women everywhere as we’re #ThankfulForHER!
We’re proud to introduce you to Lovern Gorgon, survivor, activist, and author:
Can you tell us about your background and growing up?
I am a two-time sur-THRIVER of domestic violence (a child witness until I was 15 years old in Trinidad and from a two-year, young adult relationship in the United States). Ten years after escaping the adult relationship, I utilized two back-to-back pageantry wins to increase awareness around the issue in 2010, and the following year, I formed Love Life Now Foundation (LLN). LLN is and continues to be a global awareness and education organization that supports survivors of domestic violence (DV) through our year-round initiatives and direct assistance. In 2021, I also became the author of the DV awareness memoir called, The Legacy He Left Me, which chronicles my experiences and what life can be like on the other side of abuse.
Could you share your story with us on surviving domestic violence?
Children who witness DV oftentimes go on to become abusers themselves or victims. They grow up exhibiting behavior patterns passed down by parents, and I was no exception. There were many red flags that I missed early on in what I thought was developing to be the most amazing relationship.
Things like him keeping close tabs on where I was throughout the day, which I took as him caring about my safety but, in reality, was him making sure I was not secretly trying to be with or see someone else.
The constant phone calls that I took as him giving me the attention I had never had before, but in reality, was him manipulating my time, so I wouldn’t have any to talk to others. Him showing discontentment when I mentioned someone of the opposite sex who was a friend, a work colleague, a student I worked with, etc., when in reality, he was projecting his insecurities and jealousy onto me.
By the almost two-year mark of the relationship, I was isolated from family and many friends, experiencing physical, emotional and verbal abuse until I reached my breaking point. The last physical attack left me with major internal and minor external injuries, and I finally decided to get help at a local hospital after escaping the attack.
When I finally realized that I could never return for fear of ending up dead, I told him as such, and this infuriated him, where he tried to break into my apartment after cutting the cords in my basement. The police showed up, but he fled the scene before they arrived. The idea of me seeking help and speaking up (though I was still riddled with fear, guilt and shame) meant that I was finally sharing parts of his dirty secret, and he was losing power and control over me. After he realized he could no longer physically attack me, he then began stalking me, and I filed a restraining order which kept him away.
It took years of rebuilding my life emotionally and regaining a sense of individuality and self-love, which has taken work that includes therapy that continues even today, but boy has it been worth it! Freedom to be and my peace of mind are things we should never take for granted, no matter who you are with.
What advice or words of encouragement would you give to someone experiencing abuse?
Power, control and silence are all the things that the issue of DV thrives on. If you are in this type of relationship, that moment you decide to seek help to leave is the moment those things begin to dismantle. DV agencies are everywhere, with DV advocates ready to help with safety planning so you can leave safely. It is also downright hard to reach that breaking point where you have had enough but know that you are more than what you are experiencing. It is not on you to carry the shame or blame that belongs to your abuser ONLY. Please know that on the other side of that fear that has been instilled in you is FREEDOM!
When did you first realize you wanted to be a writer?
Many folks over the years had been prodding me to write a book after hearing bits and pieces of my story, and I, in turn, had taken the advice with a smile but was still very much focused on the advocacy work of LLN. That all changed in 2020 when a publisher and friend I am connected with on LinkedIn reached out to me, stating they wanted to publish my story. I met with them to hear more, and the rest is history. I started writing in October, completed the book in January, and it was published in June of 2021. We are now on a nationwide DV awareness book tour meeting and hearing from survivors and those connected to survivors about how much this issue has impacted them and those they love. It’s been a rewarding experience to get the books into the hands of those who need them, and the feedback has been continually positive.
How can someone get involved in being an advocate for victims of domestic violence?
Find out what DV agency is located in your area. They often have volunteer positions where you can help. Not only that, but they offer training around the issue to help you gain a deeper understanding of what abuse entails. If you decide not to volunteer, the education you gain will help you become a better UP-stander (as opposed to BY-stander) for someone you may encounter dealing with abuse.
You can also see what the agency’s shelter needs are and host a drive to help there as well.
If you are local to the Massachusetts area and would like to join us for one of our initiatives, please email us at info@lovelifenow.org or visit us at www.lovelifenow.org to learn more.
Thank you, Lovern, for sharing your story with us.
We want to hear your story. Help us empower other women by sharing your story. https://herstorypoetry.wordpress.com/submit-your-story/
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