22 Oct HERStory: Bridget Mahoney
Meet Bridget Mahoney, an activist and advocate dedicated to preventing domestic violence and child abuse. Bridget is a former television news anchor, her first career passion. Her life’s path took an unexpected turn after she experienced domestic violence. Wanting to help others and create social and policy change, she brought her journalistic skills, can-do attitude, and dedication to her new cause.
Can you tell us about your background and growing up?
In high school, I knew exactly what I wanted to do, a career in journalism, marriage, and children. I went to Ohio State University and after graduation went back to my hometown in Northeast Ohio -Youngstown. I began my career in radio, eventually jumping over into television and worked my way up the ladder to become the first female anchor of the city’s number one 6 and 11 o’clock news.
As far as my personal life, I met and married a local businessman, and we had two daughters. To the outside world it looked like I had it all. But there was a secret I was hiding, so shameful and painful that I did not tell anyone. Even sporting a cast on my arm while anchoring the news, no one suspected. I was silent. We all were. At that time, domestic violence was deep in the shadows. I had never witnessed it nor heard about it growing up.
But away from the spotlight and behind closed doors, I was being hit, strangled, and even pushed down a flight of stairs. I thought I could manage what was happening to me; I really wanted to keep my nuclear family intact. That all changed when I saw the abuse start happening to our children who were four and one. It was time to leave.
Divorce, however, did not end his abusing our daughters; it only worsened during his parenting time when I could not protect them. I had a right to leave an abusive relationship, but my children did not have those same rights. Their voices were powerful, but those in power chose not to listen.
Despite years of extensive professional documentation of abuse, the legal system turned a blind eye and ignored the children’s pleas for help. Instead, the court lengthened the amount of exposure the girls had with their abusive father, increasing the layers of emotional and physical trauma.
Instead of looking for and listening to the facts, it was continually judged by the courts, that what was presented was simply two parents who did not get along – maintaining and fueling the belief they chose, that this was simply, annoyingly, a he-said-she-said situation. It is a family court system that continues to exist in many jurisdictions where parental rights take priority over the best interest of the child.
We did not give up hope and continued to collect professional data, and finally at the age of 10, my youngest daughter was protected by a visiting judge assigned to our case who stopped his parenting time based on the documented abuse. But it wasn’t over. Until she graduated high school, he continued to use the courts to stalk our daughter. At 15, she was granted a 5-year civil protection order against him, and unbelievably, he was still allowed by the courts to seek visitation. She endured an almost 2-year court battle throughout high school. Though enjoying success in her career and other areas of life, she continues to work to heal from the devastating health effects from long-term childhood trauma.
What advice or words of encouragement would you give to someone experiencing abuse?
Abuse is never your fault.
Blaming the victim is something abusers do to make excuses for their own behavior. They have a choice in their actions; nobody makes them do anything. There is nothing you can do to change them. Self-care is vital. Remember, like they say on airplanes – put the oxygen mask on yourself first. Many times, abusers use isolation from family and friends to maintain control. If possible, reach out to trusted people in your life and seek counseling for both you and your children.
Let go of any shame you feel. More people are beginning to understand the dynamics of domestic violence. You are not alone. You are a valuable person. There is hope, there is help, and you can escape. You will find your strength and courage, sometimes the first step is reaching out to a shelter for guidance.
Can you tell us about your work with the Ohio Domestic Violence Network?
Before I joined the Board of Directors of the Ohio Domestic Violence Network (ODVN), I worked alongside Jim and Elsa Croucher, an Ohio couple whose 18-year-old daughter, Tina, was murdered by an abusive ex-boyfriend. We presented “Dating Violence:101” classes to tens of thousands of high school students. Our work culminated with the passage of the Tina Croucher Act which mandates dating violence and healthy relationship education in grades 7-12 in all Ohio schools.
I joined the ODVN Board in 2010 and am the immediate past Board Chair. I created a Domestic Violence Awareness Month event at the Ohio Statehouse and used the program to call on legislatures to include a line item in the state budget dedicated to Ohio’s 76 domestic violence programs. We succeeded in 2019, with the first ever line item and were able to increase it last year. In my advocacy work, I continue to speak publicly and to educate legislators that domestic violence is not a family issue, but a costly societal problem. The cost of intimate partner violence exceeds $8.3 billion per year in the United States. I continue to provide testimony before legislators on a number of bills including opposition to an equal parenting rights legislation that is not in the best interest of the child, and an Anti SLAPP (Strategic Lawsuits Aimed at Public Participation) law. Thirty-two states currently have Anti SLAPP laws which protect the First Amendment Rights of survivors who want to share their stories or victims who report crimes. SLAPP suits are frivolous defamation lawsuits designed to silence those who speak out. In 2015 my daughter and I were sued by our abuser for sharing our stories. An Anti-SLAPP law would have protected us. But here we both were, back in court being revictimized. After nearly two years, and over $100,000 in legal fees, even though the truth was on our side, I was forced to settle and agreed to not speak within a 100-mile radius of Youngstown, Ohio.
At ODVN’s most recent Statehouse event, I was honored to receive the ODVN Croucher Family Award for Leadership.
What motivated you to begin public speaking?
To make a difference. To put a face to domestic violence. It is not an easy story to share, but it is an important story to share. My family’s experience spotlights the many issues surrounding domestic violence.
The only way things can change is for people to learn what is happening to our victims, survivors, and their children – the drain emotionally, physically, and financially and the long-term effects of trauma. There needs to be awareness of the part family court plays in either helping or hurting and how we can change our culture with education, prevention, and policy change.
How can someone get involved in being an advocate for victims of domestic violence?
The first step is to become educated about domestic violence, it is not about anger, it’s about power and control using tactics such as fear and intimidation. Women in abusive relationships need support and understanding – not judgement.
Believe the victims, believe the children.
Understand women stay in abusive relationships for varied reasons. She may fear for the safety of her and her children if she leaves, abusers often control the finances so she may not have financial independence. She may feel she has nowhere to turn, abusers often isolate their partners from family and friends. If you know someone in this situation, be a resource. Contact your local domestic violence program, they can help advise on how to talk with your friend and help her to prepare a plan when she is ready to leave, and connect her to counselors, medical support, housing, and legal services. Above all be patient.
You can also ask a local shelter how you or your place of business can raise awareness, assist in fundraising efforts, what items they need donated-many have wish lists on their websites – or how you can volunteer your time at the shelter. The National Network to End Domestic Violence www.nnedv.org is a good place to begin to learn about domestic violence and to find the coalition in your state that can lead you to your local programs. If you live in Ohio, ODVN’s website is www.odvn.org
We thank you Bridget for sharing your story with us.
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